The Mountain You Carry
A friend shared a quote with me this week as we were discussing thoughts for this post.
"The mountain that you are carrying...you were supposed to just climb it."
During these six months, there were hours, weeks, and even months, when discouragement and fear threatened to break me. In fact, to be perfectly honest, part of the reason I have procrastinated so long on this post, or any post, is because I don't want to think about it. I've been "carrying the mountain around" so to speak. It was not so much the circumstances I found myself in. Yes, they posed their own challenges, but they were really not in and of themselves so bad. But, on some of the dark winter days, especially the ones when I was on my own in my apartment for a couple months, the spiritual battles and mind games seemed more than I could take. I believe that God had some sifting and refining to do in my heart, and the process was absolutely necessary. But through your prayers and the people God put in my path, He also provided me with times of relief and joy and blessing. If I could name the greatest blessings of my entire six months in Hungary, it was the people that God put there at the most uncanny moments.
When things didn't go as planned, and I was tempted to let disappointment and negativity do the talking, God put Lindsey there.
It was difficult for my Eeyore-like disposition to surface with my positive and level-headed roommate nearby. Coincidence could never have placed someone in my situation who balanced me out so well, and with whom I could share so much common ground.
When I was "homeless" after we lost the house, the Carlaws added me to their family for some weeks, until Szilvi was able to offer me her empty hotel for two months, and then Lindsey's place....I always had a roof over my head.
When I was intensely homesick and lonely, and wrestling with fear, and discouragement, God put another friend there in Hungary who could empathize and listen with an understanding heart. And with the blessing technology, my friends and family back home were able to be there to encourage me and pray for me. On many occasions God kept me going through emails and timely phone calls. I can't thank them enough for the effort they put into staying in touch.
When I was bored...God would send me off on another adventure with Sondi, filled with laughter and good conversation.
When I needed a family to laugh with again, my tutoring student's family was the perfect fit.
When I was short on my budgeted expenses...God provided through an unexpected source, the exact amount that I needed to cover the gaps in my budget, even though I hadn't said a thing to anyone.
When it took all I had in me to not book a plane ticket home, The knowledge that my dear friend would be joining me for my final three weeks kept me hanging on just a little bit longer.
When I was just done with it all...God gave me rest...and I got to spend the last two months mostly having fun and surrounded by people once again. In that time I got to travel to Rome, spend more time with friends, and, at last, the icing on the cake, I got to spend three weeks with my friend Jeanette who traveled all the way from Canada to come visit. ​
If someone could have told me how things would go on this trip to Hungary, I may have opted to just stay home and wait for a better time or better circumstances. But I would have missed out on the glimpses of God's faithfulness, the lessons and the relationships,I gained along the way.
During my life, especially when I begin to worry about the future, as I so often do, something that has often run through my mind is this:
"God, it hasn't always been easy, and if I had known what was ahead of me, I may not have chosen to move forward. And yet here I am, and I am still okay."
The Final Three Weeks
As I mentioned, my friend Jeanette came to spend the last three weeks of my journey with me, and then take me home. What I didn't mention is that we had been planning this trip for five years...and never really believed it would happen! But it finally did!
It was super meaningful to have the opportunity to share with a dear friend the people, places and culture that have become close to my heart. Jeanette played a big part in helping me to say goodbye well, and close the chapter, as it was at a time when I was emotionally drained and exhausted, and probably couldn't have done a very good job on my own.
We flew back to Canada on May 7th. Now with my feet back on Canadian soil, unexpected adjustments come up every day, and I'm grateful that God keeps me close as I reconnect with life here.
I am already excited about the next trip to Hungary (Lord willing I get to go), and though I really don't know when it will be, I can hardly wait!
With the lessons, relationships and dozens of ideas I've been able to pack away, I'm excited for what God has in the future. I really hope to make it back for camp next year. We will see!
And just a final note on Tapolca - Shaun and Sondi are still waiting for direction in their ministry, and have not found a replacement for the house. It is likely that they will be facing some big changes, and I know they would appreciate continued prayers.
Thank you so much for keeping up with my blog. Thank you for your thoughts and your prayers. It really means the world to me. Some of you sent me kind messages when I was in Hungary, and though I may have not replied, every one of them was an unexpected blessing. If that was you, thank you so much.
